"WASHU'S INTERGALACTIC DATING SERVICE"
(A little satirical scene set in the "Obligation" continuity)
Washu was bored. Bored, bored, *bored*. She sighed, and slumped over her floating cushion of a chair. It was no fun around the lab anymore, what with Kagato sulking away, too depressed to even bother with the usual tormenting of her other lab assistants, but at the same time too irritable to properly tease. Ever since his little trip back to the homeland, he had returned in a foul temper. Washu wasn’t sure whether she would attribute it to his lack of having a proper sex life, or his newfound lack of hands. She placed her bets on the former, as hands could easily be grown overnight in a spare organ tank, whereas quality poontang probably laid somewhere outside of his scope of expertise.
Washu winced at the sound of books and tablets clattering to the ground. Again with the artificial replacements. Well, it was up to her to solve this, and if she couldn’t get him to fix his damned hands, she could at least fix him up.
“Number one genius of the universe, Washu to the rescue!” She said to herself, proudly, one finger pointed into the air. Across the subspace lab, Kagato cursed under his breath as he dropped his communication device. Hands-free my ass, he thought.
Washu sat up at once, her spectral screen appearing before her at the speed of thought. A few seconds later, she had hacked into the new admissions files for the Royal Space Academy. Downloading the entire fileset, she deftly crunched the data so that it would run neatly through her psychological profile equations, equations that to date were only known to the upper echelon of the Juraian military, possibly the royal family, and a sanitarium patient named Grebchik, the self-styled King of Spain, wherever that was.
She looked over to see if Kagato was paying attention, and sighed in relief to see him trying to pick up his pens. That should keep him busy, she thought. Absently, she added his parameters into the equations, based on his own student records. “Loves rainy days?” Check. “Walks on the beach?” Check. “Ambitions to destroy planets?” Check. “Likes curry?” Check. “Enjoys kayaking?” Check.
She sat back in her cushion and set it to spin idly as the entire database ran through her detailed psychological profile of Kagato. A few minutes later, four names appeared as ideal matches, and she immediately discarded one of them, since she was fairly certain Kagato wasn’t interested in boys. Fairly.
Of the three remaining, she read through their files, scrutinizing every possible aspect of their family backgrounds, psychology, intellect, ambition, and willingness to get naked and freaky with an amputee.
“This one seems good...no...they’re in the same field...don’t want him to kill her. Then again, that could be fun. But no, the cleanup would be too tricky...oh wait. Here we go.”
“Akiko of Durance, age 24. Marital status: Single. Galactic Test scores: 4190/4200.” Washu skimmed through the rest of the file.
“Oh, this one’s perfect! She’s sickly, so that means she can’t run away too fast! Washu, you are such a genius!” Washu cackled madly as her fingers flew in a blinding race over the keyboard.
From across the lab, Kagato cursed as he clumsily dropped his new prosthetic hand on his foot.
Washu grinned. Oh, this was going to be so fun.
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