"GENERIC LEMON OUT-TAKES"
AUTHOR: Okay, in this fic, Tenchi is going to reveal that he loves both Ayeka and Ryoko, and that means...
TENCHI, AYEKA, RYOKO: (all at once) We know, we know... a threesome.
AYEKA: *Another* lemon where I am portrayed as a sadomasochistic freak!? Why can't I ever have normal sex for once?
SASAMI: You think you've got it bad...
AUTHOR: Ryoko, in this script, you are extremely skilled at fellatio.
RYOKO: How is this different than any other lemon?
NOBOYUKI: Where are the girls at?
TENCHI: Probably in the women's bath, having a lesbian orgy.
(At that moment, Ryoko, Ayeka, Washu, Sasami, Kiyone, and Mihoshi walk into the room)
TENCHI: Where were you girls?
RYOKO: Oh, we were shopping.
TENCHI: (scratches head nervously) Shopping? Is that a, um, metaphor...
AYEKA: What do you mean?
TENCHI: (sighs) Were you having lesbian group sex in the bath?
KIYONE: (disgusted) Oh lord no! Why the hell would we do something like that?
WASHU: (rolls eyes) Typical male fantasy.
(Tenchi, Noboyuki, and Yosho facefault)
AUTHOR: Did you ladies even read the script?
TENCHI: (horrified) You want me to WHAT!!!
AUTHOR: Hey, human adult Ryo-Ohki ain't bad... just think of her as a furry Ryoko...
(Tenchi barfs)
(Ryoko and Ayeka are standing outside of Washu's lab. Ryoko knocks on the door. There is no answer.)
RYOKO: Let's just go inside.
(the girls open the door and step into the lab to see... Washu sitting at her computer.)
WASHU: Hi ladies, what's up?
(Ayeka and Ryoko just stare at her, puzzled)
WASHU: Something wrong?
AYEKA: Uh, Little Washu, according to the script, Ryoko and I were supposed to walk in on a tentacle-rape scene.
WASHU: Oh, sorry, I got distracted and completely forgot about it. Can you leave and come back in five minutes?
RYOKO: I never really hated you, Ayeka. I just fought with you because I (snicker)am really in love with you and I didn't want to (giggle) admit it.
AYEKA: Lady Ryoko, I feel the (titter) same way, and I just want you to know that...
(Ryoko and Ayeka look deeply into each other's eyes, and start laughing uncontrollably!)
AUTHOR: Ayeka! Ryoko! What's so funny?!
AYEKA: (wiping her eye) I'm sorry, it's just that this scene is so unbelievable. (laughs)
RYOKO: (clutching her side) Yeah, I mean, one minute we are arch-rivals, the next minute we are ready to start going at it like a pair of professional women golfers. Who in their right mind is going to believe that? (begins laughing again)
TENCHI: Ryoko, I love you.
RYOKO: Tenchi, make love to me.
AUTHOR: Cue the sex scene.
(Tenchi and Ryoko suddenly find themselves lying in Tenchi's bed, they both sit up and look at the author)
RYOKO: Wait a minute, that's it? We're just going to jump into bed three paragraphs into the fic?
AUTHOR: What else do you want?
RYOKO: How about a little characterization?
TENCHI: ...or plot!
AUTHOR: Hey! Do I look like Happosai to you? Just be grateful I am not writing a Sasami lemon. Now, get in that bed and have sex!
TENCHI & RYOKO: (disheartened) Yes, sir.
AUTHOR: Okay, Ryoko. In this scene, Tenchi is going to... (whispers
in Ryoko's ear)
RYOKO: (eyes widen) No! I beg you, please don't make me to that! The last time an author made me do that, I couldn't sit down for a week!
AUTHOR: (ignores her pleas) ...And you will pretend that you enjoy it.
RYOKO: (crying) But I *don't* enjoy it! How could anybody enjoy THAT?! It HURTS!
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