Before Washu, a giant, gun-metal colored machine gleamed in the light of her subspace laboratory. It was her latest invention: The Simulator™. Each program was simply called a sim and everyone, including Washu, had created sims for themselves. Sims could be recreational programs, they could be used to help fine-tune battle skills, or do research--a whole host of uses lie before them with this shiny new invention of Washu's. Of course, Ryouko, being the ever-annoying snoop that she was, managed to gain access to all of their sims by deciphering their passwords. So, Washu thought she'd get even. How hard could it be? she thought.
After an unsuccessful half hour of trying, Washu grumbled something about telling Tenchi about Ryouko's latest embarrassing mishap in the kitchen. She laughed sinisterly to herself and punched in a few characters only to receive an annoying "Don't quit your day job!" message flash back at her.
"Damn! I'm not doing this all day! I have inventions and creations to work on and research to attend to. I can't be bothered with this hacking past password crap today."
SIX HOURS LATER . . .
"Hmm... I'm making this too hard." Washu typed 'tenchi' into the password box and got Chibi Ryouko dancing across the screen with her middle finger proudly displayed. "Try again, stupid!" the sign read.
Washu muttered various unpleasantries. "Stupid little bastard--"
Trumpets sounded as Chibi Ryouko danced across the screen of the keypad with hearts floating around her head. "You did it!" she declared and shook what her mama gave her as she danced out of sight.
"Err..."
The door to the simulator opened. "I knew it all along!" Washu threw her fist up in the air triumphantly then scratched her head. "What the hell did I say again? Was it "stupid little bastard" or "stupid mother fucker"? Oh well!" Washu made her way on into the sim and the door went shut behind her...
"Ryouko..."
"Yes, Kagato?"
"You're sitting in my favorite chair again!"
Washu found herself onboard Souja, in the chapel. Ryouko was sitting in the fabulously upholstered highback chair Kagato had lovingly referred to as The Chairgato 9000™, a chair with built-in massagers, a cup holder, and built-in helm control. From it, he could see everything in the vast expanse of his chapel. Like a king on his throne, he loved looking over his domain. As an added bonus, it was close to his beloved organ. He had built The Chairgato 9000™ himself out of some lint he found in his pocket, a few screws, and some bubblegum, and was quite pleased with the results.
From his sacred chair, Ryouko sat eating some deliciously refreshing fruit all the while watching television on his large viewscreen.
"You're irritating me, Ryouko..."
She drank generously from a bottle of finely aged red wine. A few drops spilled on the expensive fabric of The Chairgato 9000™.
"This has gone on far too long, Ryouko. I want my chair!" Ryouko guzzled the wine down in one swig and let out a whale of a belch.
"How unpleasant" he grumbled. "Gluttony does not become you, Ryouko!"
"Yes it does." Ryouko tilted her body to one side, cocked her leg, and cracked a massive fart that echoed through the chapel like a clap of rolling thunder. Kagato was not amused. Washu's eyes began to tear. She was so proud of her Little Ryouko (and the stench was completely off the scale).
"Ryo-ouki! Dinner time!" Ryouko gave a hard pull on a string that seemed to appear out of nowhere.
Kagato began to float forward, ready to snatch her up from The Chairgato 9000™. Then...
*BAM*
Kagato had been flattened by a giant carrot - one so gigantic that it could barely fit inside the chapel. Washu nearly shit herself as the carrot's tip just missed her by only a few inches. When it hit the floor, the whole chapel shook and the shock wave nearly knocked Washu off her feet. When the dust settled, only one of Kagato's legs could be seen sticking out from underneath.
Slowly, Kagato wrangled his way out from underneath the carrot. With stars flying around his head he looked up at Ryouko, who was still sitting in The Chairgato 9000™, and then over to Washu. Washu just stared at him in disbelief.
"What the hell are you looking at? Haven't you ever seen a grown man nearly crushed to death by a twenty ton carrot?"
"Can't say I have--Wow!"
"What?" Now, Washu was eyeing Kagato with great interest. "Do I have something on my face?"
"No but you should look at yourself from the side."
A mirror popped up just in front of him and Kagato gave himself the once-over. With the exception of his unusually large head, which was only flat on top, he was paper-thin from his run-in with Ryo-ouki's dinner.
"Oh that."
Kagato put his thumb in his mouth and began to blow himself up like a balloon. After only a few seconds, he was good as new. He had gotten a second wind and was just gearing up to charge Ryouko when...
MIYA!!!
Kagato turned just in time to see Ryo-ouki phase through the wall.
*SQUISH*
Stars followed by darkness, then more stars, pain, darkness, more pain, etc.
Ryo-ouki bounded over Kagato as if she hadn't even noticed he was there. Or maybe she just didn't care. On her way through the Chapel, with her mammoth fluffy tail swishing back and forth, she inadvertently managed to knock all of Kagato's self-portraits off the walls and break the expensive handcrafted wooden frames on every single one of them.
After Ryo-ouki had thundered by, Washu examined Kagato's swirly-eyed expression with amusement. "I don't think he's gonna get up from that one."
"Miya?"
Washu smiled. Even as a giant, Ryo-ouki was just plain cute.
Ryo-ouki took a bite out of the carrot and an earsplitting crunch filled the chapel, shattering Kagato's prized collection of reproduction antique plates.
Ryouko clapped, declared herself "The Winner!", and floated down off The Chairgato 9000™ to take a spot on top of Ryo-ouki's head.
And they lived happily ever after.
End simulation.
I'd also like to thank Evil Asian Genius for not sucking and for proofing my story. Moreover, 'chairgato' was her special made-up word for today. :)