"Light-Hawk Wings Tech Support"

Author's Note: This fan fiction is based on a true story and was inspired by a call I made to DELL™ Tech Support in the spring of 2001.  The names have been changed to protect the guilty.

Guess what?  I don't own TENCHI MUYO! or any of it's characters.  Really. They're the property of AIC/Pioneer.

The phone rang.  Ryouko, resting atop her beam, glared at it.  It rang again...and rang and rang and rang... After several more unanswered rings, she irritably floated down to answer it herself.  "Why do I always get stuck answering the phone?  I don't even use the damn thing."

She put the receiver to her ear and a woman's voice came across from the other side.  "Incoming subspace transmission from Planet Jurai.  Please hold while we connect you."  Ryouko waited, impatiently tapping her fingers on the wall she had been leaning against.  After several moments, a strong male voice filled her ears.

"This is King Azusa--"

"You have reached the "Light-Hawk Wings" Technical Support and Help Line."

"Hey!  Ryouko!  I know that's you!"

"If you would like information about Light-Hawk Wings, press "1" now."

"Look here, Ryouko--"

"If you are having trouble forming Light-Hawk Wings, press "2" now.  If you have broken your Light-Hawk Wings and need replacement parts for one or more Wings, press "3" now."

"Listen, you...you..."

"If you know your party's four-digit extension, please key it in at the tone.  Otherwise, stay on the line and the first available representative will assist you."

Several quiet moments passed.  Ryouko could hear the King on the other end grinding and mashing his teeth together. She couldn't have cared less. She simply yawned and used her energy blade to trim and shape her fingernails while the King sputtered some unpleasantries under his breath.

"Ryouko!  Ryouko?!  Hey you!  Are you still there?!  I want to speak with Aeka or Sasami..."

"Your call is important to us.  Please hold on the line and the first available representative will assist you," she repeated, and then laughed softly into her hand.  "The next available representative will assist you in approximately one hundred eighty-three minutes Earth standard time," she said in a voice meant to simulate a recorded message.

"I am not in the mood for this game today," he protested.  "Put Aeka or Sasami on the phone NOW!"

"For faster, more prompt service, please have your "Light-Hawk Wings" Customer Express Code ready when the representative takes your call."

"DAMN YOU!"

"You can also access help through our automated system by dialing 1-800-TSUNAMI."

Azusa grasped the receiver tightly and banged it against a table.  "GET OFF THE PHONE, DEVIL!"

Surprised, Ryouko flinched and quickly jerked the receiver away from her ear.  She stuck her tongue out and rasberried him through the receiver before slamming the receiver down hard.  A loud 'click' filled Azusa's ear and he twitched in aggravation.

"Who was that?" Misaki questioned, wringing her hands together with delight.  Her joyful voice surprised the already vexed King and he flinched and scrunched his shoulders up in tensed aggravation.  "Was it Sasami or Aeka? How is everyone?  I can't wait to see them all again!" she chimed.  The King muttered softly to himself.

Lady Funaho studied the King's expressions thoughtfully.  "I believe, sister, that it is Ryouko's turn to answer the phone today."

Misaki's face lit up and her eyes twinkled affectionately. "Oh, how is she, Dear? Why didn't you ask to speak with Sasami or Aeka?"

Azusa gnashed his teeth together but remained silent.  After several seething moments, he let out a heavy sigh, and then proceeded to dial the number to the Masaki house once again.

At the other end, Aeka entered the room from outside.  "Who was that on the phone, Ryouko?"

"Nobody important," she remarked dryly, before floating back up to her favorite resting spot.

Aeka looked up to Ryouko and furrowed her browl when she noticed that Ryouko had already fallen back asleep.

The phone rang again and Aeka quickly picked up the receiver.  "Incoming subspace transmission from Planet Jurai. Hold please while we connect you," said the female voice on the other end.

"Oh, I wonder if this is mother..."

"NOW LISTEN HERE, YOU...YOU DEMON!"

"FATHER?!"

END!

I'd like to take this time to thank the 'little people'.  For years, the little people have encouraged me to do whatever I wanted and they've never given up on me.  They've also been living rent-free inside of my pantry and they've eaten all of my food.  Hmm...

I'd also like to thank the normal-sized people for not moving into my pantry, for not eating all of my food, but, most of all, for reading my fan fiction.  Thank you, normal-sized people!  Special thanks goes out to Evil Asian Genius for getting me hooked on EXCEL SAGA, for not eating all of my food, and for editing and proofing my story.